BEHOLD,
THE KINGDOM HAS COME.
THE HOME OF THE SAVIOUR OF SLOT.
ALL HAIL TO THE MESSIAH FOR HE SHALL LEAD US
TO NON ROUND AND AROUND BORING SLOT RACING.
HIS HOME, THE MOST VARIED SLOT
RACE CLUB KNOWN TO MANKIND;
SOUTHEND SLOT CLUB
BRANDS HUTCH
Federation
of
Slot
Brilliance
(Soul member)
17 years ago I developed the Brands Hutch tyre and fuel program with real driver operated pit stops.Today it's copied the world over by manufactures and individuals alike. I am wonderful, I am here to show round and around slot racers theres more to life than just using your finger and looking at your times on the computer.
Federation of Southend Slot Clubs
Awards Southend Slot Club Brands Hutch
The greatest club in the universe award (again)
Southend Slot Club Brands Hutch
The greatest club in Southend **
and the rest of universe.
** the only club found in Southend
A word of wisdom from the Messiah
Someone once said to me on the Slot Car Forum (an ancient web site for people with too much time on their hands and mediated by self righteous people who refuse to acknowledge greatness way before it's time),
"Messiah, isn't your track just a 2 lane one"?
Yes, was my answer. The poor, poor fool, whilst trying to mock me, doesn't know what all real racers already know. That you are only ever trying to catch the car in front and the car in the lead is only ever trying to stay away from the car behind. Therefore, if you have 2 or 2000 lanes you are only in a 2 car race what ever position you are in. No driver is trying to overtake the car 4 cars in front until he passes the car immediately in front of him. Silly arse.
Judges, seen above, of the FSSC once again award Brands Hutch the most unique race format in the slot universe
(17 years in succession with no other contenders in sight)
The only club to have a race format all major manufacturers are trying to emulate with digital systems
The only club to change it's format every year to avoid round and around boredom
The reasons why Brands Hutch leads
the universe in slot racing;
Real driver operated pit lane.
Simulated computer randomly generated tyre wear.
Computer generated weather patterns.
Driver tyre choice (before computer announces the weather).
The option to change your tyre's to suit the weather when pitted
at the cost of 5 seconds longer pit stop.
Computer generated pit stop times, the longer you wear your tyre's, the longer you stay in.
Randomly generated blow outs if you push your tyre wear to
much. Independent for each lane.
Weather changes during race.
Tyre's wear harder if you pick the wrong ones for the weather.
Computer fuel program, faster you go the more fuel you use.
Splash n Dashtm tokens to enable you to fuel without waiting for
the tyre wear program to let you go. Great for to use in race strategy, one token per night per racer.
Amplified race sounds including lap sounds, excessive tyre wear
sounds, entering pit lane, when to leave pits sound.
Blowout sound(end of race), last lap sound, race winner sound.
2 visible race computers.
3 race computers.
Race information continually feed to you during race.
Timing to 1000th of a second.
15 different class club cars.
136 feet of race track. 40 metres in English.
An average lap time of 18 seconds.
The longest running Southend club.
Fully illuminated track and buildings.
Night racing.
Real wet corners on rally racing.
Over 2000 spectators every week.
For 2009, virtual safety car and pit lane web cam (live).
The Slot Forum elects another moderator
A word of wisdom from the Messiah
To accommodate new drivers I turn off fuel and tyre computers and just have a lap timer/counter. This doesn't put new drivers off when starting at Brands Hutch. Once they have mastered using no brain and just moving their finger I introduce fuel then tyre's. This ensures newcomers aren't frightened off by the almost real to life racing.
It's always best to introduce learners to the more basic, boring, single finger racing then Brands Hutch's unique format becomes the clear and only way forward for any driver with a brain.
Seen here at Brands Hutch 2 Carrera hot rods. Carrera, the company that gives you their last year models next year. Unless you are in Germany or the USA where you will get whats due that year.
Slot racing with just a lap counter/timer=
" Well done for saving the slot world from
utter, utter, race boredom". (anonymus slot forum member)
The Federation of Master Slot Clubs
award for the most varied, original race format known to mankind for the 17th year in succession.
The Slot Racers Prayer
Our Saviour who art in the greatest club in the universe
Hallowed is thy name
Thy kingdom has come and no other club is anywhere near as great
Thy race format will be copied by others as well as manufactures, as near as dam it, if it were possible
Give us our weekly race excitement which will NOT be just lap counting with times
And forgive all round and around boring race clubs who arnt capable of racing any other way
As we forgive those who bad mouth us because they are jealous twats
And lead us away from simple head brainless lap counting/timing racing
Deliver us from the evil of just using your finger
For thine race format is the future
The 12 volt power, full braking and glory
For ever the ONLY Southend club
Amen
SCX Cadillac seen here refueling under one of the 10 light dependanrt resistors of the
start/finish straight and pit lane
A word of wisdom from the Messiah
Remember. it's only a toy.
SOUTHEND SLOT CLUB BRANDS HUTCH RULES
1 Dont cheat
2 See rule 1
How Southend Slot Club Brands Hutch will be racing this year;
A lot more than your round and around, just use your finger, brainless, soul destroying crap.
Moving further away from basic lap counting/timing, boring paint drying racing.
Making sure that every member gets his/her monies worth, oh, I forgot, IT'S FREE at SSCBH. Oh my, I'm so wonderful.
How much does it cost you to do the same old crap every week at your club?
Southend Slot Club Brands Hutch, finding all other clubs efforts very amusing.
Oh yea, not forgetting to be the longest ever running and only Southend Slot Club.
The legend continues.
Forgive them for they know not what they do
No people or animals were hurt during the construction of this website. People or animals offended by anything on this site just don't get it, do they? I mean, for f***s sake, we are playing with a kids toy. We should all take a real good look at our selves once in a while a realise what a bunch of big kids we are. After all, if we take it too seriously then we would all be moderators on the slot forum becoming self righteous and thinking that we are doing something worth while in life when really we just haven't grown up. Saying all that, I refuse to accept in any way that I will ever grow out of playing with toys.
I have not meant to offend any single person, animal or club. If you can prove I have offended anyone then you can dress me up as a Morris dancer, give me real ale in a tankard and make me drink it whilst a man in a skirt plays bag pipes.
A Word of Wisdom from the Messiah
When purchasing a Renault Laguna 2 put £2000 to £3000 in a savings account for repairs when, not if, your gearbox/turbo breaks down. Not that I'm disapointed with my piece of French **** and that I was warned by neighbhours, friends not to buy Renault but did I listen, no, so I only have myself to blame.
A Word of Wisdom from the Messiah
When purchasing a Fiat Multipla why not smash yourself in the face with a sledge hammer then you can look just as ugly as your car.
Check out Pit Lane cam
Every Wednesday night
The Universe's only live
slot and real working pit
lane; http://www.justin.tv
Type in brands hutch to
watch.
LIVE PIT LANE
WEB CAM
LIVE PIT LANE
WEB CAM
Check out Pit Lane cam
Every Wednesday night
The Universe's only live
slot and real working pit
lane; http://www.justin.tv
Type in brands hutch to
watch.
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