THE GREATEST SLOT CLUB
TO GRACE THIS UNIVERSE
18 YEARS OF BEING THE MOST UNIQUE SLOT CLUB
THIS EARTH HAS EVER SEEN
SOUTHEND'S ONLY AND LONGEST RUNNING SLOT CLUB
SOUTHEND
RACING CLUB
BRANDS HUTCH
SOUTHEND SLOT RACING CLUB SCALEXTRIC BRANDS HUTCH SCALEXTRIC SOUTHEND SLOT RACING CLUB SCALEXTRIC SCALEXTRIC BRANDS HUTCH SCALEXTRIC
STRATEGIC
SLOT
THE ONLY CLUB TO OFFER TRUE
STRATEGIC SLOT RACING
Help stamp out round and around brainless racing.
Join the revolution
Demand more than just pull the trigger racing.
Demand races you need to think about.
Demand real pit stops.
Demand more for your money than just the same crap week in week out with different cars.
ASK why you cant have;
A real driver operated, fully sensored, dedicated pit lane that realy works and must be used for every race.
Computer randomly picked weather pattens.
Choice of tyres to start the race and try to match the computers choice of weather.
To be able to change your tyres when when you in the pits ( at a cost of an added 5 seconds to your pit stop time).
To have a visable fuel computer.
To have a visable tyre wear computer.
To have tyre wear randomly added to your tyres each lap, wearing more if you have chosen the wrong tyres. Reset your tyres by entering the pits and be counted down by the computer.
To have blow-outs when you push your tyres beyond normal limits ( randomly picked by the computer at start of the race, different for each lane and not known until you push it too far).
To have amplified sounds for, laps, pit stops, when to leave the pits, tyre wear warnings, start and finish.
To have pit stop lengths you can control with strategy.
To have splash n dash tokens so you can top up to the end of the race if you dont want the computer to keep you in for tyre change.
To have people on the Slot Forum slag you off because they can only race round and around simpletons racing.
To have real wet corners.
To have over 40 metres of track with full braking.
To have night races on a fully illuminated track.
To have over 2000 hand painted spectators.
To have timing to 1000 of a second with scale speed, fastest lap, number of pit stops taken.
A weekly pit lane cam available to the world.
Most important of all, to have true strategic racing that depends on more than just using your finger.
Lifetime award for greatest
club ever
New for 2011, helpers to find your lost guide blades
Doug Graver
The Saviour of Slot
Your Stars
with
Barry Bulshyt
Astrologer to the the stars of slot racing
Aries
You start the year well by looking at an amazing web site.
It will install in you excitement and joy at the thought of change.
You will suddenly dive into deep depression when you realise your hobby is as boring as watching paint dry when you race at your local club.
I, with my mystic third eye, have seen that you play with children's toys.
Stop the rot now, try to race your toy cars with more than just your finger.
You will become a single finger zombie if you continue to race round and around with just a lap counter/timer.
Try to change your boring racing by using fuel, tyre wear, blow outs, splash n dash, weather change, tyre choice and use a real driver operated pit lane.
Good luck and try to use your brain instead of just a finger, gom'o.
Capricorn
You are stubborn and will not budge when people tell you your brain dead and can only move a finger.
Try listening to your real friends, if you have any, stop reading forums and you will see that racing toy cars without real pit stops is boring.
Hobbies such as yours can be mind bogglingly boring if you are left to just using 1 finger.
Beware! The moon is in your area and could be telling you false truths such as "HO slots are blurry blobs and are great fun" Don't listen to the false prophets, HO slots should be up Uranus.
Leo
Your are graced with the same sign as the messiah of slot. A sign that means you need more than just watching cars go round and around and around. You are unhappy when you see racers round the computer saying "what's the fastest lap on blue/white.yellow etc."? This should not be the highlight of a race meeting.
As a Leo you are happy when you see racers eager to race the next race, thinking about their strategy, making plans and watching others strategies to better their own.
You will be sad when you go to other clubs and only see racers exercising their finger as nothing else is needed to race.
Go forth and request interesting racing at your local club.
Virgo
Try as you may racing round and around with a lap counter/timer every week will only make things worse.
The can be no improvement in racing if it remains the same.
As human beings we strive to improve things so we dont get bored or stuck in a rut.
Move away from lap counting/timing now and see your hobby become less brain numbing every week.
And the rest
God, this is boring writing this stupid star stuff. As if anyone believes this complete and utter drivel.
I can see the future in the stars, yea right, believe that and you believe in fairies, father Christmas and Margret Thatcher. All utter, utter crap.
S/forum moderators visit "The Greatest"